Heck from Cowboys and Idiots by Wade Bradford
CONTEXT: Two cowboys wander through the desert on a quest for revenge. Along the way, they get terribly lost and fill the time discussing their views on the mixed up world they live in.
Sayin’ it’s “hotter than Hades” is a common misconception. Hades ain’t all that hot. It’s humid but it ain’t scorchin’. Wanna know how I know? You see there was this Greek Goddess, Percy-phony. And uh, Hades kidnapped her and spirited her away to the underworld. And they had a garden with pomegranates and such, so it couldn’t of been too hot or the fruit wouldn’t grow. Percy-phony’s Greek Goddess Mama was awful sad that she had to marry against her will, so spring and summer sort of dried up and ruined everything. So Hades agreed that he’d let her go during the pleasant months but during fall and winter she was stuck downstairs. Now, you might feel sorry for Percy-phony, but I say it was her own danged fault for eating the food of the spirit world. but what chaps my hide is, how come she didn’t escape? If I was her, I would have walked up to Hades nice and polite like and then SUCKER PUNCH! Right in the gut! Then just take off running!