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Comedic Female Monologue - Funny Monologue from "Much Ado Out West"

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CONTEXT: In this comical Western retelling of Much Ado About Nothing, Betty realizes that despite her stubbornness she’s attracted to her one-time rival, Ben the cowboy.

BETTY:
Ben is in love? With me? I would think
that clucking batch of hens were playing
some kind of trick on me, just making stuff up.
But Aunt Sue… she wouldn’t lie. She’s old. She
wants to make sure she gets into heaven. So it
must be true. Ben loves me. And the others
think that I would shun him. That I would scoff
at him just because the poor guy has feelings for
me. Or that I’d gloat ‘cuz he finds me so beautiful.
I wouldn’t gloat. It ain't his fault I'm so darn
pretty. And I’d never be cruel like that. I don’t
hate Ben. He’s just an ugly and obnoxious rattlesnake
of a cuss, is all. In fact, I don’t even think he’s
that ugly. Fact of the matter is, he’s kinda cute in
his own stupid way. Charming if you think about it.
I guess I like him all right. You might even say I…
oh my word… I’m kinda sweet on him! Why... I...
I love the varmint!

 

The complete script to "Much Ado Out West" is available at Eldridge Plays. 

 

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