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Comedic Female Monologue - Funny Monologue from "Tomorrow's Wish"

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From the play: Tomorrow’s Wish (by Wade Bradford)

CONTEXT: Juniper is a creative young woman with learning disabilities. Her cousins believe Juniper is odd because she lives in a small town with her grandmother, sheltered away from most of the world. In this scene, she is talking to her cousin, Megan, about her first and only kiss. This original comedic female monologue may be used by students, actors, directors for educational or professional purposes.

JUNIPER:
I kissed a boy once. At least I tried.
I don’t know if it counts if they don’t
kiss back. But I tried to kiss a boy and
it almost worked. Most of the time Grandma
and I don’t get to see folks much, but we
go into town. Sometimes. And Grandma says
I just have to be careful to mind my manners,
and Grandma says I’m real good at being careful,
but sometimes I get so bored in that little
town. Only one video store. Only two churches.
And the park only has two swings and a pool
that never gets filled up anymore. But in our
little town there is a boy named Samuel.
He's a bag-boy at the grocery store. He does
it just right and never squishes the eggs.
And he has red hair and green eyes. And…
(Laughs at the memory.)
Freckles all over his face! And Samuel is so
nice. So nice to me and Gram. He would always
smile and always say “thank you” and “your welcome.”
If he says, “Have a nice day,” then you do. That’s
how good he is at his job. And I always wanted…
I always wanted to be close to him, or to talk
to him, without Gram around. And one day when
Grandma had a really bad cold I got to go to the
store all by myself. And I bought some oyster
crackers and some medicine. Then I got to watch
Samuel all by myself. Watch him do his bag boy job.
I just stared and stared, trying to count all of
those handsome freckles. Then, he asked if there
was anything else I wanted. I just whispered “Yes.”
(Pauses, closes eyes in remembrance.)
And then I grabbed him by the ears and MmmmmmmMM!
(Pretends she’s grabbing and kissing him.)
That was my first kiss. It was the most romantic
moment of my life. Until the manager pulled me off of him.

More Monologues from the Play:

For a humorous male monologue from the same play, check out David's Monologue -- this one is about Juniper's uncle and his failed attempt to win back his estranged wife.  

Also, you can read more dramatic monologue from the play, delivered by Juniper's mother.  Find out why she abandoned her extraordinary daughter, Juniper.

Read the Complete Script:

Tomorrow's Wish is available in print and online.  You can order the paperback edition through Amazon.com.  Also, Tomorrow's Wish is now on sale at the Kindle Store.  

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