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Comedic Female Monologues

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11. "Brenda Brooks" from the play "CSI: Neverland"

CONTEXT: Brenda Brooks is a snooty librarian who believes that fantasy novels are a complete waste of time. In this scene, she tells a young visitor how she plans to re-organize the library.

BRENDA:
Young man, I am very busy. Would you please
take your gawking eyes and your bubble-gum
belabored jaws elsewhere? When you return next
week, you’ll find some significant changes have
been made...

Read the complete monologue.

12. "Mrs. Craig" from "Symbolism"

CONTEXT: "Symbolism " is a scene from Wade Bradford's play, PLAY.  (That's right, it's aplay called "Play.")  During thistumultuously humorous scene, Mr. and Mrs. Craig are running a garage sale. Not a single customer has arrived, and they are starting to get irritated. Mrs. Craig notices that her husband left soggy Fig Newtons in the ice chest. She decides that Mr. Craig's actions are deeply symbolic. In this speech, she finds other symbolic objects and actions as she walks from one garage sale item to the next.

MRS. CRAIG: I'll tell you what happened. I woke up earlier than you. I got out the ice chest. I made sandwiches. I washed the rhubarb I had been hiding at the bottom of the fridge as a surprise. Read the complete monologue.

13. "Wicked Witch" from the play "Sleeping Beauty and the Beast"

CONTEXT: In this very silly spoof of fairy-tales a bitter Wicked Witch curses the soon-to-be Sleeping Beauty.

WITCH:
So, looks like everyone is having a marvelous
time. Hello, good to see you. Nice to meet you.
Hi there, I’m the Wicked Witch, here’s my card.
Let’s do lunch sometime. Ah, and here’s the birth-
-day girl, surrounded by all of these gifts and
her good little fairy friends...

Read the complete monologue.

14. "Mrs. Claus Dumps Santa" - Holiday Monologue

CONTEXT: This "stand-alone" comedic female monologue features Mrs. Claus breaking up with Santa. It may be used by students, actors, directors for educational or professional purposes. Keep in mind, it's simply a comedy sketch. I'm certain Mrs. Claus would never leave Santa!

MRS. CLAUS: (Writing a letter, speaking the words out loud.) To my dear husband. No. Dear Chris. No, no. Dear Nick. Dear St. Nick. No. Dear Mr. Claus. I am so sorry it has come to this.

Read the complete monologue.

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