The Mummy from the play Tuesdays with Mummy
CONTEXT: A bumbling scientist stumbles across a disgruntled mummy in an Egyptian tomb. Comedy and Halloween hi-jinks ensue.
Yyyyyyyyyyyou aren't very bright, are you? You commit sacrilege as you bumble through these sacred halls. You defile my royal resting place and dare to steal my amulet. I would love nothing better than to tear you to pieces. Fortunately for you, I'm feeling a bit under the weather. When I was a younger mummy, only 800 years old or so, I could mutilate grave robbers all afternoon. Now all it takes is one decapitation and I'm ready for a nap. No, I shall not kill you, lowly one. But you must make amends. Only then shall you walk out of this tomb alive. Take this ring. Open up the sarcophagus in the adjoining chamber. There you will find the resting place of my one true love. Place the ring on the finger of my beloved bride so that she will awaken in eternal living death. And be careful. She's cranky when she wakes up. She's not a morning person - at all.